Trust and The Common Man

The word trust is defined in the Mirriam-Webster dictionary as: a :assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b :one in which confidence is placed c : dependence on something future or contingent; hope.

Is there still trust among the common man? Can we still ask a question and actually trust the person to answer us truthfully? If that trust is lost, can it be regained? It’s everywhere, the lack of trust that is, politics; the workplace; among friends; at home and in our relationships. Husbands don’t trust their wives, boyfriends don’t trust their girlfriends and vice versa. But what is the cause of this breakdown? In truth and in fact some individuals really do not or simply cannot extend themselves to trust anyone, maybe because of past experiences or otherwise while some just cannot distinguish between the honest truth and a lie.

Take for instance the political system in this country, Jamaica. For years I have been hearing how much one particular party is destroying this blessed land of wood and water and if they (the other party) gets to rule there would drastic changes for the better and we trust them to execute their mantra only to experience the same if not worse judgment over the people. Enter trust breakdown and the cycle is repeated basically until death.

When it comes to intimate relationships nowadays, at least most relationships, trust is lacking in every aspect. Lack of communication and past experiences as mentioned above are the two main components that contribute to a lack of trust. Trust is essential in a marriage or romantic relationship. It is impossible to have a close, intimate relationship when people do not trust their partners. Trust involves knowing that a partner has your best interest at heart. It is hard to feel safe and secure when you are involved with someone who would betray your trust.

Not only is trust important, but it also influences our deceptive behavior. People have a fundamental need to “get even” – it is called “reciprocity” and this ‘tit-for-tat’ behaviour is only human nature. We like to treat people the way they treat us and sometimes this is good as long as the treatment you receive is also good but deception can quickly take over a relationship when trusting is missing.

My experience has been that even when communication is there the trust sometimes is still missing. There are conversations about issues in the relationship and sometimes they are resolved but that niggling feeling of deception still lingers. Again this is human nature but must it be like that? Why can’t we tell the absolute truth, believe what we are told and leave it at that; be trustworthy, trust; be the confidant that another person desires of us?

To regain trust in our partners/relationships we must first learn to trust ourselves. Self-trust comes from emotional awareness and genuine confidence in our ability to join with another person in an open-hearted and honest way that leads to healing. We can then communicate with our partners about our worries and unmet needs in the relationship, there-by rebuilding trust.


Cheating in Relationships

Is cheating in relationships getting out of hand? Has this become common place in day to day living? I recently heard a conversation between a man and a woman (both obviously in a ‘relationship’). The occasion was a funeral and the woman was complaining that her man brought another woman to the location and didn’t even ask if she wanted a lift to the burial site. She was obviously upset with him about the whole situation but her main problem was that he didn’t give her a drive; and not that he brought another woman.

In this case, are women more tolerant of cheating nowadays? Someone once said ‘sharing is caring’. I for one disagree with this thought. With so many Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) out there just waiting to be contracted, the risks get higher each day. Here in Jamaica we have been hearing of so many domestic killings and homicide suicides it is not funny and most of them stem from men or women cheating on one another.

If you find out that your spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend is cheating on you the best thing to do is talk about it and try to sort it out rationally in private or with a professional adviser. You deserve the BEST in life.